My Cemetary Garden

The mound over my ‘Other One’ Momma, Frances’ grave is totally misshapen as a result of the dysfunctional weather we have been having the last month or so. Where just a few months ago it was a new smooth hump, today it was hills and valleys. Perfect for me to cover with the massive amount of flowers I purchased this morning at Hobby Lobby. I covered the miniature hills and valleys with a vast array of colorful plastic blossoms, spread out my blanket as close to my cemetery garden as possible and settled in for a long deep conversation.

Tomorrow is my Frances’ birthday. I’ve been with her for each of her last 17 birthdays. It is very appropriate that her birthday would make Valentine’s Day a two day holiday for us. In the beginning we would go out to dinner and/or the theatre to celebrate. In the middle, birthday celebrations were at a varied assortment of assisted living homes. In the end, there were a couple of birthdays in nondescript rehabilitation homes and dreadful hospital rooms. Regardless of where, the festivities always included flowers and a Dairy Queen Blizzard. No one loves either as much as we did. Together. I haven’t had a Blizzard since she passed. Just wouldn’t taste the same.

The hole in my heart that was created when my Frances went to the other side is both unbelievable and unbearable. The only thing soothing it is knowing that she is at peace with the one and only love of her life, her husband Paul. They only regret is that I didn’t make the years I had with her even more valuable and phenomenal memories even more phenomenal.

I want you to stop. Stop what you are working on and take a moment to look around you and breathe. Give yourself a new chunk of time. Right now. If you can spare five minutes, take it. If you can spare five hours, please take them. Go to someone you adore and shower them with flowers. Not just because it is Valentine’s Day. Do it because it will feed your soul and theirs. Do it because this life is so short and the relationships we treasure are more important than an extra Spring afternoon working your business. I promise you that you will return to tasks at hand feeling refreshed, energized and with a new perspective on priorities. Your business isn’t going to go anywhere if you are gone for a small chunk of time. What you are dealing with in this moment will still be here in the next.

My chat with Frances today was amazing and I expected nothing less. She answered my questions with the candor and honesty she has always used with me. The plastic garden I planted swayed in the breeze and showered me with her unconditional love. My wish for you is a relationship with an ‘Other One’ Momma of your own and an afternoon to shower each other with attention.

Good Pain

How bad does pain have to be before we stop and take notice? Physical pain. Relational pain. Emotional pain. At what pain point do you stop and say, “Enough is enough” and decide to deal with whatever the issue? At what point do you stop blocking out pain and decide to address it before it is debilitating?

I have a serious pain right now. No boring details here, but I hurt. It’s not emotional so please don’t worry about any sort of rambling pointless tale. None the less, I have a pain and it has halted me enough in my tracks to decide that it is time to address it. In stopping and getting quiet and trying to focus, as usual my mind collides with issues long since addressed but worth readdressing: pain within your business.

I was looking at some amazing quotes to post on the Facebook page (Annmarie (writer)) earlier today and found my mind wandering to the days I was in business and to my relationship with my employees. With the book coming out, I have a list started of the old employees, including ‘my boys’ that need to get a fresh signed copy right away. There are some old employees of mine to whom I owe either a debt of gratitude or an apology. My intention is to send each book with a personal note.

Some of my employees were a pain. A major pain. But what invaluable lessons I learned from them in finally addressing the pain I allowed them to cause me! Some lessons that I didn’t even know I was learning until many years later while some lessons were learned on the spot. I had terrible employees that I should have fired long before I did. I had rotten employees I was brave enough to release just in time. I had great employees that I should have given more power and credit too. Each type -class A pains.

There is lots of pain in owning your own business. Some of it is great, like pains that come with growth, major decision making and too much business. Some of it is downright painful like an employee who steals or lies. Either way, we all need to stop and address our pain regardless of what it is. Proactively reacting to pain head on everyday is only going to make us stronger and more intuitive. You will become a better leader for addressing the pains in your path instead of just being a lukewarm manager who trudges forward following procedure, painfully. Successful business owners and leaders are not afraid of pain. I don’t want you to be either.

Yes, I am going to successfully address my pain. Now.

PS. annmaries.org is looking great and I can't wait for you to see it!

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As always, thank you!

Another 100,000 Miles

My sweet little green convertible drove past 175,000 miles yesterday as I was winding through yet another seemingly untouched portion of Texas. Over the last two years, we have logged over 100,000 miles together traveling this magnificent state on roads that are new and smooth and a few that unfortunately, were not. Never in my wildest visions and dreams did I ever think that I would spend this much time driving or that I would spend this much time traveling Texas. What struck me yesterday as my little car passed this milestone with me was that I have driven in almost all 50 states of this USA without a GPS. Now, driving alone in Texas, my GPS has become an oddly close friend.

Having driven so much in the past without one, I was very skeptical and leery about even owning a GPS. We had a hard time together for a long time because it just couldn’t be trusted. When it would send me in a direction that made absolutely no sense, I would not mind it, second guess it and continue to travel the way that I knew would be best. It got the blame when I was lost no matter what. I would test it in Austin, where I live and if it didn’t send me to a favorite location the way that I would normally go, it would confirm to me that I was going to be right more often that it was.

I freely admit, now, how wrong I can be. One day I was traveling, again, in the middle of nowhere when I made a conscience decision, for no particular reason other than probably boredom, to once again not mind my GPS directions. I ended up on a nine mile stretch of deeply rutted dirt road much too narrow to turn around in. The trees on either side were thick and heavy and I started to sweat and breathe a little too hard feeling a little too fearful. My little car is very low to the ground so it took me an hour to travel these nine terrible miles. It took me just under an hour to decide that it was time to mind my GPS without question.

Since giving my power to my newly found old friend, I have seen places and things that have blessed me. In the middle of nowhere, I have driven around a corner into a wide open space and seen sunsets as big as the whole Texas sky. I have seen deer, goat, cows and many other amazing animals enjoying their natural habitat. I have visited small diners in remote places and had the best coffee and meals offered with the sincerest of smiles. I have seen magnificent homes on top of hills, in the middle of open spaces and tucked up against their barns. I have seen ranch gates that looked like the entrance gates to heaven and ranch gates that were modest, private and small yet equally as welcoming.

I gave power to my GPS and it opened my eyes and led me to new and now cherished experiences. I have to wonder, what else I might be holding onto that in its release, I may be blessed. What are you holding onto that you need to give up control over? An unfaithful customer? An unhealthy business or personal relationship? A commitment that drains you of both energy and time? An employee that is a bad egg and will always be a bad egg? A time management system that is not working?

I talk to my little car and yes, she talks back. She is digging the scenery as much as I am and we’ve decided that here just might be another 100,000 miles in us both. I don’t talk to my GPS any more. Didn’t do either of us any good when I did. Now I just give her control and enjoy the ride.

Your Own Truth Serum

I stayed in bed very late this morning. Until long after the sun had risen and I could see through the small horizontal high window in my bedroom a teeny part of the tree branches of the only tree in the backyard. The branches were dancing in the wind and telling me that being quiet and listening to the truth serum in my head was okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. In rhythm.

2011 is going to be my year of calm and quiet. At least my intention is that it starts out that way. The book (Recipes From A Life: Essential Ingredients for your Business Success) will be released in just a couple of months and I need to be quiet and centered until then. My life is going to change and I am excited deep in my bones for this new adventure of change. I dream realistically about where I am going to let this book take me. The places I will travel and the people I will meet are all on my vision board.

But first, I needed this morning. Today is my Baby Casey’s birthday and I needed to relive his birth and slowly let my mind wander over the last 19 years of his life and my world with him in it and now with him in it less and less. These last six months have been filled with changes in direction. Some good; some not so good. But all meant to be as God does nothing that isn’t intentional. Praise him.

I stopped writing last Fall. On August 6th to be exact. I wrote two things late last summer that wreaked havoc in my life and the lives of some people around me. Writing is a passion of mine and my words caused people to stop speaking to each other and changed the course of some relationships. Not in a positive and happy way; in a devastating way. This was not my intent, at all. My intent was to show love and admiration. To show passion and respect. Instead, my very own words broke my very own heart.

So what did I do when my passion hurt other people unintentionally and unexpectedly? I stopped. Cold turkey. As I lay in bed this morning watching the naked tree branches dance, I realize that this wasn’t a good thing. I know my intentions were pure and honest. I know I bore no ill will. And I know that it is time for me to start writing again. Even if I only pick up my pen to write in my gratitude journal each night five simple lines about what I am grateful for that particular day. I can’t leave my words bottled up inside any longer. I have too much to share. It is time to let my words heal my own heart.

As I proofread the book for the final time, I think about all my potential readers and the passion that they are putting and will put into their businesses. As they work themselves to the bone and drag themselves home at night to their families, what can I say to keep them going? What can I say to inspire them to stay true to their passions and excellence no matter the consequences? What can I say to keep them on course if what they are doing IS the right thing and they know that satisfied ‘life is good’ feeling?

I can only be honest and tell them that if they do not follow their heart, they will be dead inside. Just as I have been since August 6th. If they don’t stay true to themselves, that they won’t be able to look in the mirror or see inside their own heart. If they don’t honor themselves, they will waste time reaching toward their dreams and goals and they won’t be working their plan. And if they don’t get QUIET every now and then, their focus will be lost or misplaced.

I had an appointment this morning that cancelled. That is the only reason why I had this opportunity to stay tucked in and focus inside myself. It is time for me to write again. It is time for me to start living again. It is time for me to get on with book tour travel plans. It is time for me to totally energize myself from the inside out. It is time.

Thank you, God, for the quiet, the trees and the truth serum. Thank you, My Casey, for growing into such an amazing man. Thank you to all the small business owners out there that pour yourselves into your businesses every single day with everything in your heart and soul. I know exactly what you are going through. The good and the bad; the up and the down. When you are rich and when you feel poor. My hope is that I will be able to write words that help you to stop and reflect and enable you to empower yourself and relieve some pressure. I pray that you too will soon have an unexpected day to luxuriate until the sun comes up basking in your own truth serum.

Coming soon: annmaries.org

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Go Big or Bust

I had a meeting today in a part of town I hadn’t driven to in a very long time. Sitting at the stop light near my appointment I realized my stomach was in knots and I was breathing oddly. My visceral reaction to where I was had nothing to do with my upcoming appointment and everything to do with where I was. It had everything to do with being next door to a ‘big’ that I had thought was long since behind me.

Most small business owner’s dream of getting big and bigger; more sales, more employees, more overhead, more locations and more income. More and more. Dreaming is great. We all need to dream and visualize and have a concrete plan for the future. Unfortunately, many business owners dream and do and fly by the seat of their pants not realizing what may come with getting bigger. Where is the bigger plan? The bigger road map? The bigger energy? The bigger story?

My company got big. Really big. And while it did, I just flowed with the bigness of the day to day. While I saw a future, I didn’t take the time to put a road map on paper. I said over and over again that I could handle everything that came my way. As you now know, I owned a very large corporate catering company in Austin, Texas. My first kitchen was the ideal. Great size, perfect location, a layout that couldn’t be beat and an amazing atmosphere. This kitchen was stuffed to the gills and in hindsight, it was perfection and I should have never left it. But I got a whiff of BIG. A smell of ‘what if’ and before I knew it, I was jumping. No plan. No agenda. Just straight off the cliff. My ideal kitchen was 1400 square feet and before you could say, ‘fool’, I was building a 3600 square foot kitchen facility mid-town in a mall undergoing revitalization as a corporate facility. It was a stunning place with new and beautiful equipment, a beautiful conference/meeting room and a fresh clean big atmosphere. It was a dream to work out of even if it was out of the way and far away.

Before the story ends, I got even bigger and ultimately lost everything. The story is long and tough to hear but rewards with a happy ending.

One of the essential ingredients for any business is the plan. We can talk about ‘your’ time, what your dollars look like and which relationships you need to keep, but before the bottom line you must have a plan. It is great to have a vision and to believe that the universe will provide. But before the story ends, there needs to be a chart, a graph and drawing of the future.

My meeting went very well this morning and afterwards I drove slowly by the mall where my big kitchen used to be. I was amazingly calm as I accessed the face lift the place had gone through in the years since I had last been there. My back door was still there with its welcoming window and green awning. No signage so I couldn’t satisfy my curiosity over who was in ‘my’ beautiful space. All these years later, I have a sense of closure that I didn’t know I needed. I drove away with a satisfying sense of calm over the fact that I made it through my ‘big’, intact with plenty of lessons learned.

Do you have a road map to your BIG?

Stamina and Guts-Straight From the CIA?

I don’t dig my birthday. I could tell you all the reasons why but that is not the point of this story. I just need to tell you that my parents call me every year on my birthday. It is usually the only day of the year that I talk to my Mother. I do talk to my Dad a little more than that-his birthday, Christmas and Father’s Day usually. Last week on my ‘lucky’ day, when they called to sing Happy Birthday, I happened to be driving and answered the phone. They sang together and then we actually chatted for 10 minutes or so. They asked after my children which is a very big deal and asked after my book, also a very big deal. After we hung up, I had plenty of windshield time to contemplate our communication; plenty of time to think about how my parents, my Dad especially, affected my professional life.

This past weekend Lou and I went to the IMAX Theater to see ‘Hubble’ in 3D. Settling into our seats, my thoughts went straight back to my Dad and the still fresh birthday conversation. My Dad is an amazing man. He was deeply educated at MIT and holds many patents, namely for the gyroscope. He founded Sperry Gyroscope and we found out just a few years ago, he was recruited by the CIA during his Sperry days and spent the rest of his career with them working in an extremely high level and highly secretive position. His professional career is still kept very tight lipped. Every now and then one of my siblings will hear a story and pass it on. We discuss in amazement and wonder. My Dad is somewhere beyond brilliant. He is the one who taught me determination and guts. From him I learned stamina and intestinal fortitude. I remember asking him once how he got up and made it to work every single day when I knew there were days when he probably needed to just hide. How he could get on that airplane and prepare to be gone from his family for an extended period of time. He told me that he did what he needed to do. I have said that same phrase myself many, many times over the years.

The ‘Hubble’ documentary was rather fascinating and I mentioned to Lou afterwards how I couldn’t help but have my Dad and his space involvement on my mind. One year on my birthday, my parents didn’t call. During this time we were lead to believe that Dad was designing payloads for the Space Shuttle, working for NASA. I wasn’t too worried about them not calling because there was a shuttle currently in space and I figured he was covered up with the mission. The shuttle was having trouble getting back to ground needing to finish a project and wait for weather to clear. Still a week after my birthday and no call, no news. Instead in the mail from Dad is a one page piece of paper with a New York times article taped to it. The article and picture are talking about how much, W. G. McArthur, my Dad, enjoyed his shuttle trip and his exciting first space walk. In my Dad’s barely legible handwriting on the same paper is a note: What a great ride. Can’t wait to tell you all about it. –Dad

No wonder he didn’t call on my birthday! My Dad was on the freaking space shuttle orbiting the earth and strolling in no man’s land! I called my parent’s house in Aspen, no answer. I called their house in California, left a message. I flipped that he didn’t tell any of us so that we could be watching him this whole time. I flipped because my kids could have been talking about Grandpa being in space at school! I called my siblings-all who received the same ‘letter’ and we were all flipping.

At this time we had no idea that our Dad was enmeshed in the CIA and could keep a secret better than anyone as obviously his whole life was a secret. He waited days and then finally called us one at a time. He wasn’t on the shuttle; he was ‘just’ in the control room. It was a total coincidence that one of the shuttle astronauts had his same exact name. Apparently they joked constantly, my Dad in the control room and his clone in space living out my Dad’s dream of being an astronaut.

So here I am many years later, celebrating yet another birthday and thinking about my Dad and his example of high-test life and career dedication. There are plenty of stories surrounding my Dad. How he ended up at MIT instead of honoring Canada’s request that he be on their Olympic Team, both summer and winter. How he accepted his job with the CIA. How he fostered determination and grit in his five wildly self-sufficient children. How his work ethic is evident in all of us. His story just may need to be told.

May you have a ‘Dad’ in your life to set the example of doing it and getting it done when you least want to. The example of being brilliant in what you do because that is what you have chosen. That you can take everything you learn and funnel it into being an entrepreneur who isn’t afraid to take risks and perform under pressure. May you take control of your business and learn from all the examples of success in your path.

I think this may have been a good birthday. Recipies From A Life: Essential Ingredients for Your Business Success. I may owe it to my Dad.

Small Hotel Today-Hotel With A View, Tomorrow!

I find myself hiding away in a small cramped hotel room in hot and humid Houston. Lacking my GPS, I really have no idea where I am. This is a good thing. I have a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach as I wrap up my work day and hunker down to spend time concentrating on the last edits I will be able to make to the book. This feeling is definitely a new one. Not good. Not bad. If I stop to think about it I am directed to the power of my own intention. The intention I had to write my story and to help as many small business owners who would possibly listen to what they can do to fulfill their dream of real success.

Recipes From A Life is a reality. That is the feeling in the pit of my stomach. This is really happening. Despite the odds. In spite of the people who told me I couldn’t do it or would probably never really do it, I am really going to be one of the 2% who actually publish a book.

I’ve been dreaming about ‘my’ flock; about the people that I am going to be able to help. Dreaming about the weight I am going to take off of their shoulders. Dreaming about the power I am going to help them realize. I am going to tell people that they can indeed enjoy their business and that running it doesn’t need to be a 24/7 exhausting mess. I am going to be able to tell entrepreneurs far and wide what they need to do to run their business in a manner that will work for them and show them how to do it. I am going to teach them how to manage their business from the inside out so that they can enjoy all the other aspects of their lives that are important to them.

I was lucky enough to speak to an association in Corpus last week. Only about 100 people but each one of them was fabulous. It was a very engaging ‘speech’ on the differences between managing and leading and I had a great time. The group was interactive, the best kind and what I wish for as a speaker. Afterwards, the leader gave me a gift and more than one participant wanted to take their picture with me. I am not a picture taker and was quite uncomfortable. In thinking about this event later as I thanked God for the opportunity, I realized something. They wanted to take my picture because I made an impression. I offered a nugget of information that they wanted to remember with a photo. Wow.

I promise myself that I am going to spend more time hiding away in small hotel rooms enjoying the process of this book journey. I promise to enjoy and savor every moment until its birth in just a few months. Then I am going to sign copies and speak. Sign more copies and speak some more. I am going to tend to the flock with everything I have in me and then some. Then when it is all said and done, I am going to escape to bigger and more wonderful hotel rooms in fabulous faraway places!

Recipes From A Life: Essential Ingredients for Your Small Business