I stayed in bed very late this morning. Until long after the sun had risen and I could see through the small horizontal high window in my bedroom a teeny part of the tree branches of the only tree in the backyard. The branches were dancing in the wind and telling me that being quiet and listening to the truth serum in my head was okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. In rhythm.
2011 is going to be my year of calm and quiet. At least my intention is that it starts out that way. The book (Recipes From A Life: Essential Ingredients for your Business Success) will be released in just a couple of months and I need to be quiet and centered until then. My life is going to change and I am excited deep in my bones for this new adventure of change. I dream realistically about where I am going to let this book take me. The places I will travel and the people I will meet are all on my vision board.
But first, I needed this morning. Today is my Baby Casey’s birthday and I needed to relive his birth and slowly let my mind wander over the last 19 years of his life and my world with him in it and now with him in it less and less. These last six months have been filled with changes in direction. Some good; some not so good. But all meant to be as God does nothing that isn’t intentional. Praise him.
I stopped writing last Fall. On August 6th to be exact. I wrote two things late last summer that wreaked havoc in my life and the lives of some people around me. Writing is a passion of mine and my words caused people to stop speaking to each other and changed the course of some relationships. Not in a positive and happy way; in a devastating way. This was not my intent, at all. My intent was to show love and admiration. To show passion and respect. Instead, my very own words broke my very own heart.
So what did I do when my passion hurt other people unintentionally and unexpectedly? I stopped. Cold turkey. As I lay in bed this morning watching the naked tree branches dance, I realize that this wasn’t a good thing. I know my intentions were pure and honest. I know I bore no ill will. And I know that it is time for me to start writing again. Even if I only pick up my pen to write in my gratitude journal each night five simple lines about what I am grateful for that particular day. I can’t leave my words bottled up inside any longer. I have too much to share. It is time to let my words heal my own heart.
As I proofread the book for the final time, I think about all my potential readers and the passion that they are putting and will put into their businesses. As they work themselves to the bone and drag themselves home at night to their families, what can I say to keep them going? What can I say to inspire them to stay true to their passions and excellence no matter the consequences? What can I say to keep them on course if what they are doing IS the right thing and they know that satisfied ‘life is good’ feeling?
I can only be honest and tell them that if they do not follow their heart, they will be dead inside. Just as I have been since August 6th. If they don’t stay true to themselves, that they won’t be able to look in the mirror or see inside their own heart. If they don’t honor themselves, they will waste time reaching toward their dreams and goals and they won’t be working their plan. And if they don’t get QUIET every now and then, their focus will be lost or misplaced.
I had an appointment this morning that cancelled. That is the only reason why I had this opportunity to stay tucked in and focus inside myself. It is time for me to write again. It is time for me to start living again. It is time for me to get on with book tour travel plans. It is time for me to totally energize myself from the inside out. It is time.
Thank you, God, for the quiet, the trees and the truth serum. Thank you, My Casey, for growing into such an amazing man. Thank you to all the small business owners out there that pour yourselves into your businesses every single day with everything in your heart and soul. I know exactly what you are going through. The good and the bad; the up and the down. When you are rich and when you feel poor. My hope is that I will be able to write words that help you to stop and reflect and enable you to empower yourself and relieve some pressure. I pray that you too will soon have an unexpected day to luxuriate until the sun comes up basking in your own truth serum.
Coming soon: annmaries.org
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love it! you are right to keep writing, complete with care, forethought and good intentions knowing that some gets through, some not..some now, some later, when the reader is willing to "hear".
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite authors Dr. Laura says not all truth needs to be told - that we need to tell the truths that we believe to be helpful. She also knows that things go wrong, and all we can do is apologize. In my opinion, even if your writing never gets through in the way you intended, truth and goodwill are still important, good reflections of God's character in us, what the Bible calls his "lovingkindness" in some translations. Go Annmarie!