A Powerful Sweaty Hug

I heard recently that Asians don’t shake hands because they believe it is giving away their power. They politely bow to each other in acknowledgement in deference to respect and admiration.

You’ve got to love the idea of keeping our power for ourselves.

A sweaty friend of mine recently told me of an encounter where he gave his power away. His sweat has never bothered me. He is clean. He doesn’t smell. Hugging him has never been a problem and seriously, we are in Texas, Mother Nature’s oven.

Recently, my friend, in greeting shook someone’s hand. That person, in a position superior to him, immediately wiped their hand on their pants. Oblivious or obvious, unacceptable. The man I know was giving a piece of himself to this other man in kindness, gratitude and acknowledgement. That piece will never come back to him.

My question is how much power do we give away without thinking? In our busy lives, our time and energy is wildly valuable. How many times have you blown off the salesperson the first time they popped in your door with a quick handshake? You could politely say, “I already have the service you offer. Thank you for coming in but you are not needed at this time. ”

Powerful! You CAN say all of that. Just think about how that salesperson isn’t going to be coming in your door once a week to interrupt you now. They aren’t going to have you on their prospect list and be telling their boss they are going to ‘close’ your account in ‘x’ period of time. They aren’t going to be calling you on the phone when you are already talking on one line and have another on hold. You aren’t going to be irritated by the sight of them.

They may ask your permission to come back and visit and in an effort to stay in control you still are required to be honest. Say, “no, please don’t, let me call you if needed” if you mean it or say, “yes, you may come back to visit but I am not going to give you any promises.” They are doing their job and you are running your business.

No one wants to go where they are not wanted. By telling that salesperson what your needs are, up front, like the respectful business owner you are, you are saving your power for your real needs and you are letting your potential vendor save their power for their other customers or for when you do need them.

My friend won’t be giving his power away any more to anyone that might brush him off. He is going to save his handshakes for his customers who adore him and for me who digs his sweaty hugs.

Are You the Body Left Behind? - Part 2

Kelly Wilson and I were going to be friends forever. She got me through my first divorce and I got her to the altar when she got married. I loved Kelly and she loved me. In our 20’s we connected like sisters. I loved her energy, her family, her dogs... You get the picture. Kelly and I drank great wine together, loved to cook and entertain together, hot air ballooned together and shared more than a few secrets, together. After visiting her in Tulsa one beautiful spring 20+ years ago, I even moved to that Green Country city, on the strength of our friendship. A move I have never regretted.

Newly settled into my new city, I was into my career and Kelly, a new wife, was into cocaine. Apparently, Kelly used me as an ‘out’ when she was out and I was in.

I am the body that Kelly left behind.

Are you the body left behind? Does it hurt? How many people do you think about in the middle of the night when the world is still and realize that they have left you behind. No explanation, just behind. Done. When the world is still do you realize that you are running your business at break neck speed and that maybe you aren’t the one leaving the bodies behind? It just might be you who is being left behind. You might be the one loosing. Do you owe some apologies? Need some explanations? Reconciliation an option?

I have heard the saying about how people come into our lives for a reason, a season etc. But really, no matter the season, how many people have come through your front or back door and not getting the time or attention deserved, left you (and your business?) behind? How many employees have left your company and their leaving didn’t get deserved attention? How many customers left without explanation?

During more than one hour of centering prayer meditation over my lengthy silent retreat, my mind wandered to the people who have left me behind. I am filled with tears and questions and a sense of urgency to reconnect, if possible, and ask for forgiveness if necessary. How sad that I only now realize that during so many hectic years in business, when I wasn’t connecting, that I was the body left behind.

Please don’t be the body left behind.

Win-Win, Winners all Around.

My new silent retreat attitude and I have been able to spend a few days, alone, in Chicago; specifically downtown Chicago a breath away from the Magnificent Michigan Mile. I’ve been very concerned about keeping my silent retreat oaths to myself since I left the powerful cocoon of my retreat experience.

I need not have worried. You can do Chicago, alone, and still keep quiet. You CAN do your life and stay focused on your goals and intentions, ONCE YOU HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE OF WHAT THEY ARE!

How often do you sidestep your own plans to do something for your business? How often do you work late instead of going home just to make an extra buck? For instance, do you feel you have to be the last one out at night? Can’t sleep unless you personally lock the door? What about that $15.00 an hour employee that you trust explicitly because they are your best friend’s kid and you’ve known them their whole life? Could they lock up for you and answer those few last phone calls and take those few last orders and messages? You go home, have dinner with your family, play with your kids, stay OFF the phone and computer and then go to bed with a satisfied smile and your satisfied spouse/partner.

That $15.00 an hour employee just made a few extra bucks and they go home with a satisfied smile because you just empowered them. Think about it. Win-win, winners all around.

One of your goals spending more time with your family? If I can stay in downtown Chicago and keep my pledges to myself, you can go home.

Have a clear picture? Commit to it. Do it.

Out of the Silence, a Love Letter

The plan was to spend a significant amount of time during my week long silent retreat writing lots of thought provoking blog posts with messages, per usual, about ways for you to propel yourself towards success. I planned to give plenty of ‘food for thought’ with words about what you need to be thinking about in order to achieve your dreams. In my time of quiet, I knew I would be able to focus on what needed to be said to help you grow your business and grow your sense of satisfaction within it.

Instead, with no phone, no computer, no talking and no one, Praise God, talking to me, I wrote longhand, a 200+ page love letter to My children, Lia and Casey.

I’ve been writing ad nausea about getting quiet and how within it you would be able to see what you needed to do for your business, yourself and your family. I’ve tried to convey that if you didn’t achieve peace, you would not achieve success on any level. My Skeeter used to say to me, “You can run your business, but your sure can’t run your personal life”. In hindsight, if I had spent some time in silence, I just might have figured out how to be successful both professionally and personally, at the same time. I wouldn’t have had the ups and downs I did along the way.

This quote make infinitely more sense to me now: “A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. A wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid that mistake altogether.” I was the smart man and out of the silence of this week long retreat, I am going to do what I can to be wise. Please, I implore, learn from me.

The love letter to My children is beyond powerful. Stories from my youth, from my marriages, lessons I have learned, have not yet learned and lessons I am desperate for them to learn from me. In long hand, everything I wish for them now and on into their futures. How much I love them and why and all the blessings I want laid out for them. How they have blessed me in unbelievable ways and how I know their children will also shower with me blessings unimaginable. Writing this letter over these last six days has been one of the most dynamic things I have ever done and I am amazed beyond compare to have had the quiet time to do it. Writing it had as much to do with healing and empowering me as I hope it empowers and blesses My babies.

Stop. Now. Make concrete plans to get silent. Write a love letter. Then and only then, get back to work.