Hot Momma on the Edge

I am hot. I am tired. I am cranky and I am so done with the whole anticipation, it’s Christmas Eve in June idea. What in the world was I thinking? Ugh. Casey has graduated. My ‘other-one’ Momma, Frances, has been safely put to rest. I’ve put 1620 more miles on my car. It has been in the 90’s+ every day for as long as I can remember and I’m done with it. Time for Tate to help me get the show on the road. I need a new plan, some new direction and an AC that will work for me reliably.

Last Thursday was a particularly horrendous day. I don’t do this Texas heat very well at all. (read: UNDERSTATEMENT) Unfortunately, I had to drive 4 hours for a work function that was a disaster. A team of us ended up cooking and showing food to a customer in an UN air-conditioned warehouse because one of the team members is an idiot. (Yes, I did say that.) After over 2 ½ hours in the UN air-conditioned warehouse, not only was I feeling extremely ill, my patience was worn completely out, my smile totally melted off of my face and my demeanor that of a woman in terminal menopause. The icing on the cake was when we were finally finished, the customer hugged me and he was as sweaty as I. Delightful. Yes, sweaty. Sweat running down my back, soaking my drawers and traveling down to my knees was not ladylike ‘glistening’. It was downright unladylike disgusting.

Took me all Thursday night to calm down and get my core temperature cool again, laying crossways over my hotel room bed, naked, before I would undertake the drive back south on Friday. At this time, I would really like Mr. Hotel Chain Man Owner to explain to me why and how all hotels seem to have this new gimmick of turning OFF the AC in their guest rooms in the middle of the night? All of them seem to do it. Do they really, I mean really, think none of their guests are going to wake up in the middle of the night and notice that the AC in their room has magically turned off so the hotel could save a few pennies? Seriously.

Sorry, I digressed. Friday morning I am up at 4:, in the car by 5: and on the way south to the office to work for 7 hours, give or take, depending on who has a personality in the office and who doesn’t. Three hour dive to the office. AC on full blast. 90 degrees outside already but my car is good and I can do this. Besides, I am totally excited because my Lia is bringing 22 of her Aggie Fish Camp friends to my house for dinner and I GET TO COOK for all of them AND they are all going to hug my neck and call me MOMMA!! I am beyond excited. Get to work. Work, work, meet, work, meet, work, run, run, run, out the door and another hour in the car and home! I am finally here!!!

And my AC is broken and it is 88 degrees inside. Felt like 2 million degrees and I had walked into hell. The butter I had left out on the counter to soften to make my famous Garlic Cheese Bread with is totally MELTED. Not just soft, melted liquid. Which would lead me to believe that the AC had been broken for all the days that I had been away. It is 4:pm and I have 22+ people that I have never met, who are going to hug me and call me Momma, coming for dinner in just under 3 hours. This makes the nightmare of the dinner party I had with no silverware seem like a distant chuckle at this time. (I didn’t mind my cardinal rule and set the table the night before. I left it to last forgetting that I had taken all the silverware from home to the big kitchen to use with an event so when I went to set the table, after some of my guests had started to arrive, I had zero silverware. It really was hilarious now that I think of it. We like shared large serving pieces to eat with. Big huge knives. Toothpicks. Now I am laughing! It WAS funny!)

Call the office. Please fix the AC now. Unfortunately, this is not the first time my AC has gone out in the last month or so. You would have thought they would have fixed it the first, second or even third time, but no, why bother finding out what the real problem is. I’m cooking, baking, sweating and trying to come up with a plan B. We are having dinner here because of the pool. There is a beautiful clubhouse by the pool but it closes at 7: and they will not let me use it. Even though the broken AC is their fault and they are not fixing it, the office has no intention of helping me come up with a plan B. They are not nice people. They are supposed to be giving me a Wonderful Living Experience. Kiss my a__.

6:30 pm. Supposedly the AC is fixed. It’s down to 84 degrees and yes, it will take a couple of hours to cool further.

7:00 pm. Food is ready and I am a wreak. Big wreak. 89 degrees and I am calling the office, again, for one last time. The Big AC fix it man is on the way. I get in the shower praying for cold water. Hah. Who am I kidding? Throw on the little dress with No bra and No drawers because I am crying now I am so hot. I want to just die.

No AC man.

7:30 Kids start showing up! Every single one of them hugging me, calling me Momma and thanking me for having them. 88 degrees and No bra and NO drawers and I am hugging, hugging, hugging. Praise God for Lou showing up with the Vodka and Tonic and fresh Limes!

No AC man.

8:30 pm. Kids are in and out, eating, laughing, talking. We have the doors open to let the cool 85 degree nighttime air in to cool the place off.

Still no AC man.

10:20 pm. AC man is supposedly on the way. Again. Kitchen is clean and I have an opportunity to go shower again and sleep elsewhere but no, I am instructed to wait for the AC man.

11:45 pm. No AC man. I make one final phone call. I wasn’t nice.

Bottom line, I am done with the whole anticipation gig. I am ready for the show to hit the road. I am ready to put the next set of plans in place. I am ready to revisit my goals and challenges. Ummmm, I am ready to rewrite the business plan! I am done with being hot and cranky. I am done with people who say they are going to show and they don’t. I am ready to plan the book signing road tour. I am ready….

Dear Tate Publishing:

Please call me, now. It’s time to get the show on the road. All these small business owners out there who are dying to get out of the heat need to hear from me!

Sincerely,

Annmarie!
Aka: AMCQ (Annmare the Cooking Queen)

2:00 pm Saturday afternoon. THE NEXT DAY! AC man showed up.